Are you unsure if you’re really, honestly in love with someone? Most likely, you’ve already asked a close friend or family member for warning signs. And, if they’re like most people, they’ll probably react with something ambiguous like “you just know,” “it’s hard to describe,” or something similar—all of which are, needless to say, unhelpful.
However, just as there is no hard and fast rule for how long it takes to fall in love, there is no fixed checklist for determining whether what you’re feeling is genuine. Some people recognize the sentiments after a single instant, while others build them through months or even years of little actions.
There are a few typical (and scientifically validated) signs that you’re falling in love. For example, you may feel compelled to discuss even the tiniest details of your day with your partner, and you may find that their interests are morphing into your own. Alternatively, you may start offering them random flowers, gifts, or adjusting your schedule to make extra time for your significant other. Of course, you may begin to wonder—perhaps even daydream—about the day when that special someone would declare they, too, love you.
You have a strong desire for them
That’s right, you read that correctly. You can crave a person in the same way that you can crave a favourite cuisine or a seasonal beverage (hi, frosé).
Dr. Helen Fisher, Match’s top scientific advisor, has examined these experiences and discovered that when you fall in love, the Ventral Tegmental Area (VTA), a part of the brain involved with attention and yearning, releases more dopamine.
This need is generally accompanied by a surge when you think of them, as DeAlto points out.
Even their eccentricities appeal to you
Constant apologist? Are you a neat freak? When you’re falling in love, all of your beloved’s (innocuous) characteristics are fair game and appreciated. “You begin to find everything about them irresistible,” says the narrator “DeAlto explains. “That includes their peculiarities, peculiar sense of style, and peculiar way of doing things, all of which become lovable.”
They’re constantly on your mind
Sure, it’s cliched—but it’s true. When someone begins to take up substantial real estate in your thoughts, you know you’re falling in love. You may find yourself replaying discussions in the middle of the day, planning your next date days ahead of time, or even imagining your future together. Kang recalls re-reading her husband’s text messages and looking at his images over and over when they first started dating because she missed him so much.
They help you feel more confident in yourself
According to Dr. Theresa E. DiDonato, an associate professor of psychology at Loyola University Maryland, people who are in love typically feel like they know more or can accomplish more. She recounts how when people fall in love, they often have an experience of “self-expansion,” in which their sense of self develops as a result of their relationship with this new person. Someone whose partner enjoys hiking, for example, may begin to perceive themselves as a hiker as well.
And last but not least…
You support them
Don’t get it twisted: this does not imply that you should pressure, hound, or unnecessarily push them. If, on the other hand, you find yourself supporting them based on vulnerable conversations you’ve had, you’re starting to care more than casually. “You can tell you’re falling big time when you both start reminding each other of your life objectives and desires,” Michelle explains. Just make sure you’re encouraging in a non-obtrusive way because that’s not cool.
Kang claims that while you’re falling in love, you get a warm feeling when you think about your significant other. That could indicate you can’t stop smiling or that you’re feeling more upbeat and hopeful in general.
